An Odd Mind #6 : CANCER !

So I helped at a funeral of a young man, who died from cancer … has a wife and young daughter … I know, people see this all the time, I’ve seen it many times now in my job, but …. it angers me, because it is such a horrific way to die … to be high on morphine yet still be in pain … it angers me because ‘we’ the human race should have had the cure for cancer a very long time ago …. and if I’m honest, I find it hard to believe that a cure for just about all cancer didn’t exist many years ago, but has not been released due to the fantastic amounts of money that can be made from the medications that are used at the moment….. I know, I know … “there are to many variations and everyone has such different types of cancer specific to themselves” so I’ve been told by nurses or doctors … but just take a moment to think … a moment to look at where we are today … from where we were ….

In 1886, the first petrol powered automobile was built, so roughly around 140 years we went from the first petrol engine motor car that looked like a wooden chair with wheels, to cars that feel like your sat on a sofa, make no noise to cars that can reach speeds of 269.86 mph …… ? ….. oh wait, how about a vehicle that can reach 771 mph … faster than sound! …..or you could even look at that first motor car helped pave the way for petrol driven vehicles …. how about the Tank … first version of the petrol engine tank was drawn up in 1903 … so in 113 years we went from a design, to a huge, slow, heavy metal tank, to tanks that can reach speeds of over 40mph, accelerate from 0 – 20mph in 7 seconds, fire it’s cannon while moving, have lighter but better armor, and can be re-fitted for different jobs … etc …. you could look at any vehicle that has derived from the first motor car and see how far we have come in a little over 150 years.

Or maybe you could look at planes … ?   ….The Wright brothers made the first controlled, powered, heavier-than-air aircraft in 1903, and flew at a speed of only 6.8mph at 120 feet carrying one person … 113 years later we have Boeing 747 – 8 that can fly at speeds of 690.542mph … at an altitude of 45,000 feet, seating 605 people …. oh wait a moment, it actually was being tested in 2005 / 6 which means that in a little over 100 years we saw this technology leap! …. or maybe you could think about the Lockheed C-5 Galaxy, a very large military transport aircraft, it was being looked into in 1961! …. and in 1963 it was a concept, known as the CX-X it had a gross weight of 249,000kg, a maximum payload of 81,600kg and a speed of 500mph …. just take a moment to think on that, around 60 years from the Wright brothers little wooden plane to a monster plane that could carry 81,600kg…and travel at 500mph … ‘how the crap does this thing get off the ground!?’  …. or maybe we could think on speed … how about the  Lockheed SR-71 “Blackbird” … in 1957 the CIA had asked for this jet design, … 1957!  …. in 1959 the CIA approved a US$96 million contract to build this jet …. the first version of this jet first flew in 1962, it had a top speed of 2210mph … !  take a moment to think ……. the CIA approved $96 million US dollars to design and build a recon jet …. that is an incredible amount of money back then … and they put it towards a fricken jet … a jet … that’s a great technology leap in a little over 60 years.

Just think about the technology leaps over the last 150 years, but then I think what about in my short 36 years …. computing …. although after reading, apparently ‘automatic computing technology’ was being looked at back in the 1800’s, but the first recorded ‘programmable computer’ was  built between 1936 and 1938 and apparently considered the first functional programmable modern computer… so in 1936 computing technology was started … apparently the first fully functional digital computer was completed in 1946, it occupied 1800 square feet and weighed almost 50 tons! … apparently the first graphical computer game was seen in 1949 and the first computer capable of storing and running a program from memory was  in 1950. In 1955 the first computer with RAM was made … so let’s say a rough 80 years, computer technology went from a giant 1800 square foot machine weighing almost 50 tons in weight  … to  …. lets say a PC on a Stick !   these little buggers have it’s own independent CPU and ability to run OS, introduced around 2003 … so … a little over 60 years and you have a little device that’s about the size of my finger and weighs a little less …. !?   what the fuck is going on? technology is moving so fast …. Like I remember the first computer in our house, was about 1992 … and I’m sure it was a IBM, Compaq or HP … 286, had 640k RAM, had both big huge floppy drive and 3.5 inch floppy disk drive, no Microsoft Windows … take a moment to think about this … it was just a computer, no internet in our house at that time…. now … I was about 12 … so in under 26 years I have watched computers go from this big old 286 to laptops that are only a few millimeter thick, phones that fit in my hand that have many many times more graphical and processing powers, that are now connected to the internet and can communicate with people on the other side of the world with nearly no delay, and in high resolution … even computers that you wear, like the iwatch and google glass … this is fucking insane technology jumps …. Tv’s that were huge, but only had little screen sizes, now I have a 65′ TV that is less than a CM thick, has 4k resolution and I can hang on my wall …. I have a desktop computer that is around a few cm’s thick, has no need of a disk drive of any kind, has one cable, wireless keyboard and mouse, can run multiple software and watch streaming video at the same time … the list of technology jumps that I have seen in these 26 years since is crazy ….  but what am I getting at ?

So… all this technology improvements and leaps in tech …. but we can’t find a cure for CANCER!? …. seriously !?   …. I’m struggling to believe

wait a moment … go back to the Wright brothers …. from that first flight in 1903, … since then we have been able to send a rocket into space, land on the moon and make it back … oh wait it get’s fricken better, … we send a rocket into space with a robot the size of a small car on board and land the fucking thing on MARS! …. ‘OH SORRY, WE STILL HAVE NO WAY TO CURE CANCER! …….. BUT WE CAN PUMP YOU FULL OF A RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL WITH A SMALL HOPE OF CURING YOU!”   FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!  This is bullshit …. what the fuck is wrong with people!?  

If they are being truthful, that they really do have no cure… I ask this, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY ON EVERYTHING OTHER THAN A CURE?  … don’t get me wrong, I love technology, I love flying to other places, I love driving a good car, I love the fact that we have seen the amazing feat of human kind by landing a robot on Mars … but seriously, …. can we please help humans to live, can we please have a cure for cancer …. I have seen what it does to people, I have seen how much pain it creates in a person before they die, some people are lucky to die peacefully from it,…. but many I have seen do not get this luxury. It’s horrifying … I know people die, I know people will die of some things young in life, ... but cancer has been around since 1600BC … apparently the first recordings were in 1600BC …. 1600BC !… are we for real … this is insane …. ……  1600BC! … over 3000 years ! ……

…. fine … Dr’s and Nurses, who tell me there’s no cure yet … fine, ok … maybe you are right, I’ll try to believe it, but deep down … I find it so hard to … I look what has been achieved in a little over 100 years, not just in technology but also in science and the medical world …. just look at what they have achieved in 100 years … mapping human DNA … Human Stem Cell reproduction, Cloning!, AIDs medication is now just one pill, full face transplants! birth control medications, bionic limbs, eye, lungs, liver, kidney, heart etc transplants …. think about that one … I know a lady who has two new lungs … takes a heap of meds to help her body accept the new lungs, but was up walking around a few days later, …. 3D scanning of the body … the list is huge and I’m sure they are advancing as fast as they can … apparently Cancer medication is out there, some drugs are targeting the cancer cells, and are helping, but not yet cheap enough, or completely guarantee a cure …. …. but I really do find it hard to believe that they have no cheaper method of curing it yet … I thought about the Ebola Virus, a disease that was first identified in 1976 … it kills between 25 and 90 percent of those infected, with an average of about 50 percent …. now when we had the outbreak in … March 2014? it started to infect people in Europe and America, now the odd thing was, that there was no cure/medication at that time … but when it was spreading to other places, it was suddenly seen as a huge threat, a panic station situation … (not when it was infecting Africa …killing hundreds…. ? WTF) but only when it was spreading and becoming a threat to the rest of the world, …. but here’s where it got funnier, in August 2014 the WHO (World Health Organization) decided to release an ‘experimental drug’ that helped fight the virus …. they just happened to have an experimental drug and only decided to release it when it started to show signs of spreading around the world ! ….  (this is what it looked like: “oh yeah, um… we just happen to have an experimental drug that can help … sorry about the hundreds of people who have died already, we didn’t see a need to try this drug at that moment” … but now it threatens our lives we had better magically pull it out of our ARSES!) ….  so in roughly 42 years from discovery, they have a good experimental drug …………..cancer has been recorded from 1600 BC ! …. take a moment … just think about that and be honest in your mind… be honest and realistic … I’ll be fair, cancer is way way harder and advanced to treat than a virus …. but truly ….honestly …. it’s been around since humans were striking stones … over 3000 years!

If any one say’s “but Gareth why would they not release a cure/better medication?” …….MONEY… money money money…. it’s always about greed and how to make more money, if you don’t believe that then just take a look through history at how humans behave  … it’s always been about control, power, greed and money … always will be… that is just the reality of humans ….   I’m sure many people would say “Gareth, they really don’t have a cure, they are trying, it is a slow process … but honestly ….. come on, look at us right now … do you truly believe we have no valid cure … other than some drugs that cost In 2012, – 12 of the 13 new drugs approved for cancer were priced above $100,000 per year …… please, do you truly, honestly and realistically believe that the drugs companies would not release a cure ….. “The global market for pharmaceuticals topped $1 trillion in sales in 2014. The world’s 10 largest drug companies generated $429.4 billion of that revenue”….. pharmaceutical’s is a trillion dollar industry ……..  

Fine, we don’t have the cure yet ….. I’m sure they are right, it will be a long time before we can help people …. a long time before we have a cure ….  that’s how it is.

I could go on all day … technology breakthroughs that are out there right now … robots, 3D technology, nanotechnology, military hardware, military technology, spacecraft, 3D printing…. the list is amazing …. humans are amazing, our technology leaps have been incredible, but you just can’t change human behavior, human greed, human want of power and control ………………………………….but cancer …………………..it’s killing more of us … is a horrible way to die …. but hey….. will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to give you some drugs that might save you …. been in the making since 1600BC. 

An Odd mind #4

Well, apparently it is British Independence day … ?

I guess it’s pretty historic day …. I see a lot of people raging about it, but I find it hard to see why Britain leaving the EU is such a devastating issue. Is it really that bad ? I would love to see true facts and reasons to why it is such a major issue. I’m not fussed either way… it’s hard to know what to believe really as the media portray what they want you to see, but not the truth. So far I don’t know what to think, I can see pro’s and con’s to staying and leaving. I always found it odd that Britain decided to become apart of the EU, yet not accept the Euro and keep the British Pound …. I always think this said a lot about Britain, like they never trusted the EU… or something like that.

I don’t know … I find it hard to believe that it is the ‘be all and end all’ of the EU, of Britain and all things Democracy…. I think the world is over reacting a little bit here…. just a little. I think that little bastard country has always had big balls and will remain a major influence in the world. I’m not convinced that this will effect the world in a major way …

I can’t help but think that over the next few months as the dust settles, not a lot will have changed…. apart from getting rid of the British Prime Minister which I get the feeling is a good thing….. (Cameron … pigs head …. not a good look for a leader of a country) … although this could have been a lie from the media.

 

Oh well… good luck Britain … I’m sure you will be fine.

 

An Odd Mind #3

Finished my coffee date …

No truly it was awesome coffee! Hawthorne Coffee Roastery & Espresso Bar in Havelock North, Hawkes Bay, New Zealand. Honest, it was really smooth coffee, bloody lovely stuff. Highly recommend it if you are passing through.

 

So apart from that it was a slow day. I git the service sheets printed, went to get some items needed for the service tomorrow and sat to chat for an hour with the office staff. mainly about children and schools. once back at my office and it was about the day over. We all sat down had a drink and chatted for the last hour.

Once home, I walked through the door and greeted by a very happy little boy. Then the sexy wife… yep I will generally walk through the door and think … “aaaaaah yeah” I love Tish.

Unfortunately I have a really horrible neck ache, which slowly creates a very severe head ache, once that creates my eyes to ache, my scalp to ache, my jaw to ache and then my shoulders to become extremely tense and painful. I find I need to get a pain killer in me when I first feel the dull ache in the neck other wise it continues till I feel so much pain that I need a hot shower to calm it a fraction. Luckily I have some good pain killers since my little tiny operation in March. Any way, time to go sit with Xander and get him comfortable for bed.

This normally means Xander hides under the blankets while I walk around the room looking in stupid places  (ie: under the pillow etc) for him.

He loves this game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Odd Mind #2

So it’s been a while … oh well

Honestly since Xander started school, time seems to have vanished. Kids are like little bio clocks, they show time passing so quickly.

So, what today ? I’m at work and got a spare five minutes, so I thought blog it … my wife has decided to start blogging which I think is a great idea, she has an amazing amount of spare time now Xander is at school, and finding a job here in little Napier is ridiculously hard so a life blog is a good idea. I think it will be about life, family, Internet, games, movies, food, travel … books … everything. why not. https://nuttsynat.wordpress.com/

I shall continue with my family history at some stage… but for now, I am just chilling with more life moment blogging. In a moment I have to go and have coffee with a client… don’t get that very often … being a funeral director not many people want to socialize, so it’s great to have an elderly gentleman ask to meet me for coffee to discuss some things.

It’s a nice day here, blue sky, sun … still not very warm, but hey it’s fricken winter here. Here in the office can be very odd, you can go from meeting with families and feeling the whole emotions, to sitting at the computer listening to another funeral director finding music for a photo show … right now, Mike is listening through some awesome ‘Queen’ tracks … love it. Come on … Queen is great music … legendary. …….. “UNDER PRESSURE !!” …. LOL.  my singing is godly … honestly, I tell my wife she cannot understand my godly singing, as mortals cannot hear it properly…. truly.

Well got to run … got a coffee date … ooooh ….. or more like “mmmmmmm” coffee.

An Odd Mind #1

So …. what now ….?

I’ll carry on with Nature DEEP, the webcomic. you can find it at :

https://tapastic.com/episode/31890

http://naturedeep.thecomicseries.com/

Either one will get you there, although I put a mature filter on, I’m fairly sure anyone above the age of 16 will be fine, as it really is comic silly stuff.

I started out very well with Nature DEEP, produced the first few episodes almost one a month, but by the 4th episode, I slowed down, but generally almost all have been created within months of each other, but since going to England in June last year, I have not got back to creating any Nature DEEP … actually not quite true, I have started a new episode, just not ready to be revealed on the world yet. But still, it has been over a year!

My problem has been changing job over a year ago, then going on a 5 week holiday to the UK, then moving house …then changing computer (PC to MAC)… and the other comic … Regimental Rascals !

Regimental Rascals ….  Where do I start …. It began around 2009, I was sat watching the movie ‘Van Helsing’ not a bad movie, I like it, anyway while watching it I was staring at the costumes, and as my mind does very regularly, I suddenly started to think of some characters that would be dressed in similar fashion, only to turn into clothing of the military of the 1800’s, then I started to think of the characters, who and what military, what they were doing, where they were going and where were they. Straight away I started to draw out these ideas and had five characters on paper, what they were doing and where they were going. I sat and pondered over what the name of the comic would be, something simple but could be shortened, ie; initialism / abbreviation … I thought back to the military and any words or abbreviations we would have used … I had in mind something that would incorporate the use of the word, ‘rascal’, or ‘cheeky’ … because the idea of the characters was that they were a little cheeky and little rascals … then I decided on R&R, in the military R&R is slang for  ‘rest and recuperation’, this idea of rest and recuperation slightly fits with the story of the characters but then needed something else … “Rascals” I thought,  … ? … “Regimental Rascals” … they are little rascals, and they are regimental. I then thought about the story, and what these characters were doing … with a little short research I soon decided that I would base it around The Crimea War of 1853 – 1856, but more importantly, a specific battle from that war, the Battle of Balaclava, 25 October 1854. I decided to use this as the starting point of the story and also to give me a solid appearance of the characters. I instantly looked up what regiments of the British Army were there and chose each characters uniform to fit their personalities, to make sure they were different in every way as well as their ranks. The uniforms I decided had to be only “roughly based” on the real thing as I would hate to sit there and draw every tiny detail of a uniform from that time. (This is still a fantasy story). This was easy, although I did change a few of them over a few days as I read up about each regiment. The first was the man in charge, Lieutenant Salt. I knew straight away that he had to a Hussar, so I looked up the Hussar regiments uniforms and chose one. 11th Hussars was perfect for the cheeky, mischievous gentleman. I based his personality off a hybrid of my own and a little of Robert Downey Jr in Sherlock Holmes… just … because I did.  Then was Corporal Burns, At first I had him down as a Regiment of Foot, but then I decided to change it to something of a more special type, one that was not even at the Battle of Balaclava, but only because I wanted him to be special, so I based him off of a Royal Marines uniform of that era. His personality is a hybrid of a friend that I worked with with a little bit of exaggerated fun from my perspective. Quiet, only grunts as to communicate, drinks lot’s and has a sense of humor. Then there is Lance Corporal Huntington, he was to always be a soldier of the Royal Horse Artillery, his personality was a again a hybrid of a friend I worked with, plus exaggeration. Loud, funny, jokes, cheeky, crazy and fun. Then there is Private Hayward, who originally I put him down as a 5th Dragoon Guard, but after thinking about the story line, I realized that he needed to be apart of the “Charge of the Light Brigade” and the 5th Dragoon Guards were heavy cavalry, so I changed him to a 17th Lancer, this worked out well, and his personality is that based around exaggerations of my own personality. The last character is the odd one out, first because it is a female, second because she is Russian (The Russians were the enemy during that war… well, to the British they were) thirdly I’ve used her first name and lastly she is soldier like, which in that time frame would have been odd. Natasha, she was a character that I based off my wife, short, pretty, funny, bouncy, and crazy. for the reasons of the story her uniform is very roughly based on a Russian Officers uniform. All of their looks are based off each friend, apart from Lieutenant Salt who is a adaption of myself…just because it was easier to do that.

… ok so, Regimental Rascals, as you can tell is a bit of a passion, I love the characters, and the story, and it is all just sat boiling in my mind, I want to get it out. ….     I spent time thinking over the story, unfortunately I have spent way to long creating it… what I mean is, I started it, then decided to change the style of artwork, then … change it again … and again … and again … shit ! this just carried on for years. When I got back from the UK last year, I looked back at the style again and …. decided to change it again … and just to make me hate myself more … I changed it again only a few weeks ago. DAMN IT ! … well I think this style I am doing now is it … the final change, I am trying hard to tell myself  “DO NOT CHANGE IT FROM HERE!” … strangely though the new style I have started is working out to be my favorite when it comes to ease of production, I managed to work out how to simplify the uniforms even further, which when it comes to production time that I have available, this is perfect. At the end of the day, I have so much to do and very little time, I have a full on job that sometimes means I won’t get home till early evening, once home my 5 year old son would like me to help him with home work or play Lego (awesome) once he’s in bed I then get some time with my wife as well as trying to fit in gaming, movies, Nature DEEP and Regimental Rascals … as you can imagine, this is a lot to fit in, especially if it’s been a full day at work and I am mentally tired. So all my spare time that I get chance to create has been focused on Regimental Rascals … redrawing and redeveloping !   all because I am not happy after a few weeks with the style. It’s so frustrating. But I keep going because I love the characters and the story of Regimental Rascals.

I look back and think, yep … I was just testing styles, but even when I got to a style that I liked, I realized it was to complex for me to keep it up. The detail of each character was pushing my time, to the point that even if I made the backgrounds simpler, my time was still taken up by the sheer detail and accuracy of the characters. I really don’t have the luxury of time to keep that up, so I spent the last 10 months trying to simplify everything about it … and even as I write this I just thought up a new way to simplify another aspect of the comic … (cool) but it really is frustrating !

My final style … (at the moment !) is a ‘Chibi’ style … why the fuck did I do that ? … well mainly because it is a animation/loose comic style, I’ve used it to simplify the look, to match the fun side of Regimental Rascals, to reflect the more ‘light hearted’ story rather than the fact that it is based around war, guns and death. It’s a real pain as I love several styles that I started, I really loved the backgrounds as well in one style, but it was always the same issue … time frame to create was to long and also trying to be accurate with style. ‘Chibi’ style has always been a little fascination of mine, mainly because it can take a serious character and make them cute, and less menacing looking, this I decided was a nice way to go … take the serious guns and death and mellow it out with cute style of animation looking characters…. I don’t know … it’s … good, I like it … and quite happy with it…. I’m the not that great at art, but I don’t care to much on that, I just want to create and tell a story.

I fairly sure this is the final style … I hope. This style is fairly speedy so I hope to get some form of a Intro up and running very soon … just a few little details I need to address, to be happy enough to do this … but I have a style that is working for me, it’s quick to produce, colorful, playful and humorous.

So this is why Nature DEEP’s next episode is still in production …. one day … one day soon I will get Nature DEEP back up and running, but I really must get Regimental Rascals going …. for my own mind sake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION TO AN ODD MIND. PT39

That’s about it for an introduction, … no, … truly ….. I think you have a fairly round idea of my life so far, a pretty good idea of my mind and how it works, a few reasons to why I do what I do. But before I move on with new things and more up to date blogging I guess there’s a few areas that I should look back at.

“This Blog will slowly explain more about my humor and mind, giving you a insight into my real life history and why I am the way I am. Why Nature DEEP the web-comic series is the way it is.”

I’ve tried to think back to any moments in my life that are also worthy of note, It’s quite hard and worst of all is the thought that I may have forgotten more.

If I summarize, it may help: I had a good parents, they gave us a loving and respectful upbringing, one that taught us to respect others, do as your told, try to understand other people and their perspectives, to try hard, to work hard, to think outside the box, to be open minded … to enjoy what you have … and to not worry to much about what other people think… they were hard on us, but they were good parents. My brothers… I respect them… they have their ways, I have mine and although we are not that close, I love them.

It was a sad feeling the day we helped mum and dad move out from the family home … looking at a great family home that we had many happy times. Christmas in that house will remain a childhood legend, one I know I will struggle to replicate for my family, mainly because of costs … mum and dad had an extra income by having mums mum live in the house too, which meant there was heaps of food and drink at Christmas, lots of family and friends coming and going … on Christmas eve, in the living room (which was about 24 foot in length), mum and dad would put the dining table and fill it full of food on several tiers, nibbles, cakes, sauces, meats, pickles etc, and at midnight they would slice some meat off the Turkey so we could have Turkey sandwiches. the attic was huge and only had one bulb, so I always found it scary whenever I stuck my head up there … (silly boy) in the winter if we had snow, the conservatoire was great to stand in and look out at the white garden and look up at the snow covered glass, then open the door all dressed up warm and walk across the snow to the sound of that satisfying crunch. I remember that house so well … the family was generally happy most of our time… all good things must end.

 

Joining the Army was an amazing experience, one that certainly shaped me in all aspects of life, although I am annoyed with myself for letting certain areas of discipline go … such as: getting out of bed with a jump no matter how little sleep or unwell I was, I find it hard to get my arse out of bed when my alarm goes off … I let the snooze alarm go off many times before getting up. I find it hard to get into exercise and keep it going.

Little things.

I do wish I had tried to get some kind of certificate / course under my belt as I know I will really never get a diploma or degree now, I just do not have the brain/mind to do it.

I do not regret getting married the first time, it has helped me with my life now, by letting me see my faults and issues. I see this as a valuable life lesson that has helped me to respect, understand and maintain a great relationship with Tish. I do see the failings of my life and marriage was purely my immature ways of partying, drinking, not caring or trying to understand and lack of will power. Being in the Army helped fuel those issues, it was to easy … that was the lifestyle and culture of my job and I loved it, unfortunately I let it control me. It’s a shame because I look at my family in England and think, I really did not pay enough thought to anyone . . . I’ve missed my niece and nephews growing up, I missed out on spending time with mum and dad, with seeing my brothers … I regret that. I was a bad husband and friend to my previous wife … but, I’m sure she is better off in life now. Drinking back then was great, I loved it, I loved the camaraderie, if anyone asked me if joining the military was a good idea I would say yes, but do not do it if you have a partner, it’s really for single people, until you know how to control your life better. I look back at that time and think what an amazing job … work hard, play hard, partying drinking, clubbing, travelling while being paid a good wage. But I paid for it by missing out on family… … I barely drink that much at all any more, I have a few beers now and then, but very rare … although I do find that one or two beers leaves me with a nagging urge … a little urge in the back of my mind that says, “go on, you really want another, … you know you want to buy a few more … you know you love that feeling, that feeling of relaxing mind, fuzzy mind, slow numbing …”   …. good job I don’t do it. I do miss the band, the mates, drinking and having a mad time where ever we went, but that was then and time moves on. I can’t drink like that, I can’t strip off my clothes and run around naked, or turn up to work completely pissed out of my skull, or spend a weekend trying to sober up, the crazy humor has moved over for a business head and family, although it is still in there and only now and again does it surface.

The comic book I wrote was a good start, to what I enjoying doing most … creating, artwork and stories … although Hiyama was not great, it was a place to start … it was what I needed to teach me about comic creating, about digital design, software and page layout … shame the third book was never printed, I really liked vol 3 … but time moves on, no time to look back, only forward and that is why Nature DEEP was created…. wait, not sure if I ever explained Nature DEEP … well it started one day when Tish and her family were all talking about… something about the animals in the grandparents garden … Tish’s grandmother then said “I watched two hedgehogs have sex last night” and that was it right there !    that is all it took for my “Odd Mind” to take over, I found this so funny and interesting that we had to look up “How do hedgehogs have sex?” lets face it, both of them are going to get pricked !  sure enough, on Google we found information showing that the male hedgehog sure does get pricked while having sex … to which you can imagine my mind instantly went into over drive, “imagine that, that’s true ‘Pleasure Pain’ right there” … what followed for most of the day was me talking about how we could design and make a suit that was completely like the hedgehog, I mean the fur and the spines … like hard plastic spines that replicate the hedgehogs … could even have full replica face mask that has synthetic whiskers. What was making me laugh was imaging the male stood behind and every time he thrusts, he yelps out in pain as he gets a good prick … so this joke and thoughts over the course of a week turned into producing a porn video that would be all about the ‘hedgehog sex suits’ and making different animal suits for peoples desires, including hiring a warehouse, getting film gear together, getting a crew to film edit and produce as well as actors. (can you see my mind is quite odd) … well of course this was just a good joke, but then one day while having a shower, I thought  “just make it a comic” from that moment on, I quickly sat down and jotted out the idea … It would be a comedy, spoof, documentary, porno … ‘YouTube’ spoof. (I know … mental in the head !) I stood in the shower thinking of names for the comic, it needed to be a play on words, like a sexual innuendo, but more subtle, then I thought of if you used the first letters of the name what would you get … ie: initialism / abbreviation … I started to think of a abbreviation that we used in the Army, when using a rifle … if you accidentally pull the trigger while holding a gun it’s called a “ND” … (Negligent Discharge) … so then I started thinking of innuendos around the letters, something to do with Nature, like wildlife documentary, … Nature … DEEP … getting DEEP in Nature … Nature DEEP ! perfect.

It would need a host of the documentary … I imagined someone like Rhys Darby’s character from Flight of the Conchords, Murray Hewitt, this character was brilliant and Rhys played it perfectly and so I instantly imagined him hosting the show like some strange animal documentary. The character would need a name that was some kind of innuendo, sexual but not offensive, I thought of something along the lines of ‘masturbation’ and so Max Tugger was born. He would be bright colorful, have a mustache, wear shorts, sunglasses,’flip flops’ and always wear a silly hat of different colors. (That’s exactly how I instantly pictured him).

Then I thought up two characters who would be the “actors”, the male character was easy, I imagined a guy like myself, just a bit darker in skin, would be slightly dim, but funny, the name again would need to be a play on words/sexual innuendo, I thought it would be funny if I based the name around my own as well, so Gerth Haysack it was… (I think you get it) if I ever was to draw him without the animal costumes on I imagine he would be wearing a bright T-Shirt, shorts, ‘flip flops’, glasses and have a big smile.

The female lead was a bit different, the first time I thought I would base her off my wife, but the name was a bit harder, I thought of  a few but most were either to vulgar or just no good for the style of the comic, I wanted something that was based around the female parts, and so Gill Vulva it was, Gill being a variation of ‘Jill’…  I soon started to work out a style of art work that would befitting of this crazy idea, the artwork would need to be simple, colorful, funny, fast and easy to produce, I always found backgrounds to be a slow part of my work flow so I decided to test a strange idea of using real photos as the background and insert cell-shaded style characters. I took a photo of the back garden, then inserted a cell-shaded character of myself, I instantly loved the bright colorful sill look. I set straight about creating a demo of each character, Max Tugger was real easy and did not take long to get him sorted, Gerth Haysack was real easy as well, Gill Vulva on the other hand was a bit different, I used a photo of my wife to get the look and even dress style, but when I showed Tish, she was quick to say “Nope!” “not me”. So I went back to the drawing board. A few days went by when a lady I worked with (Carol) (she was awesome) was chatting about my new idea of Nature DEEP the webcomic, and showing her my images and explaining about Tish’s character, when Carol said “why not just use yourself as the character model for every character in the comic … it would be stupidly funny. So that was the start of all character models for the comic… main cast that is. So I took Gill Vulva and used myself as the model, I played about with shape and size of body, but she would have to have blonde hair, colorful T-shirt, shorts, no shoes, great big … smile, and breasts….(obviously).

I soon whipped up the first episode of Nature DEEP; The Hedgehog. It was more of a joke just playing around for fun, I uploaded it to several websites for webcomics and surprisingly on ‘comicfury.com’ it had over 100 views in a few hours … no negative feed back, ( I honestly expected bad feedback describing it as vulgar or disgusting) and only a few positive messages, but over a week I kept checking in to see how it was doing to notice that it’s views were rising, but still no negative feed back, so … I decided to make another episode and planned out around 10 episodes… when I say planned I mean planned animals to use for each episode.

A comment was made on one website that Nature DEEP looked just like some other comic on the web and was a “rip off” of “Tom Goes to the Mayor” “TGTTM” … I had never heard of it or seen anything of it until I read this comment, (as I said, I never googled anything to get the story, the characters, the names, the art style the design … anything, it all was from my mind) so I googled TGTTM only to see it too was a silly comedy webcomic … with photo backgrounds and cell shaded characters … but that’s about as close to the similarities as you are going to get … TGTTM does not look like a Documentary, comedy, porno, YouTube, spoof. So I take that comment and say, nope, Nature DEEP is itself, crazy and silly.

I think I can stop there … I think this is an end to “Introduction to an odd mind” … where to now … I will continue with the blog … just maybe re name it …  …. “Introduction to an odd mind: life goes on”  ….  well…. maybe not …. I plan to continue with present day stuff from here. including thoughts and talks.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Cheers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION TO AN ODD MIND. PT38

“…. shit… sorry, got carried away there …. Anyway, there were plenty of great names in that show, but Xander…. Xander was a name we both really liked … also the character and the actor were totally awesome so …. Xander it was.

As time went by, we slowly gathered everything that we would need for the baby. With very little money we got it. Tish …. she just got bigger and bigger …”

 

So time goes pretty fast when it comes to kids, It was amazing how fast it went. Soon Tish was taken into the Hospital one afternoon, where she was to be induced as she was way over the time frame. So first there was…whatever they try first…I think it was the finger swipe for the mucus plug, followed by something else…. it was a few hours before she ended up on a bed waiting … and waiting … she had the first type of pain killers, followed several hours latter by gas, (which was good stuff by the way, made me a little light headed). She would get up and wander round the room trying to forget the uncomfortable pain, then lay back down. This went on for hours, I fell asleep at one point with my head on the bed next to her only after she herself had fallen to sleep for a little.

It got to a stage where the midwife decided to get a team on standby for a C-section, but the doctors decided to hold out a little longer. At some point in the early hours of the morning, did a Anesthetist come in to give Tish a Epidural …. (I honestly have to say, I really do not like the idea of someone sticking a big ass needle into my spine, or Tish’s … but it was advised/had to be done) I remember the guy coming in and looking at her, he got his gear ready and as he was lining himself up I could see him sweating with a little nervousness about him due to the fact that Tish’s contractions were becoming more frequent. Once he had done, it was not long that she went into labor. I remember sticking to holding her hand and trying to help her focus on slow deep breathing, she never screamed out much, nothing like what I imagine from watching movies, although I remember her asking what it looked like down there as she was told that the boy’s head was out, I looked down …. I didn’t know what to say to her, … his head was grey in color, little red blood smudges here and there, glistening wet and a head shaped like the creature from the movie ‘Aliens’  …. I was uncertain what to say… I was even inshore if this was normal … …. what was I supposed to say … …..“I think something is wrong, he looks like a Xenomorph from the movie Aliens’   …. I didn’t, I just said he looks fine, keep going … in my mind I was thinking is he ok, but I guess he is other wise the nurses  would say something…wouldn’t they?  … I think it was around 6:30am that Xander was born, the nurse held him up, a long grey wet baby boy, I was asked if I wanted to cut his cord, but I was to busy with Tish to be honest and it really made no difference to me if I did or didn’t, so Tish’s father cut the cord. Soon he was placed in Tish’s arms. 

 

It is an amazing thing … to see and do … to see life being born. This little human being we created …… to go through months of watching and waiting to finally touching, holding, hearing and seeing. Considering I never thought I would be able to reproduce, it was mind blowing to see to see Xander.

It’s amazing how fast they grow …. we grow, children are a biological clock you can see ticking by, if you don’t slow down to take them in you miss out.

It’s a shame mum did not get to meet Xander … she would have loved him, truly adored this little man. But at least Dad got to meet him and continues to be a good part of Xander’s life so far.

 

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION TO AN ODD MIND. PT37

With death there is birth.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo      Back in NZ and back to work, mum remained on my mind but I had to learn to put it somewhere deep in my memory and move on. I made sure I contacted dad every weekend to see how he was doing. He was struggling a little but would tell me he was ok  … but how could he be, he was now on his own … him and mum did everything together…. how was he going to cope? ….. luckily I got the feeling he loved seeing us every weekend on Skype.

My life went back to reality, but always with dad in my mind. Now I really can’t remember to much, but Tish, her brother, Lorilie (a friend of ours) were going to Wellington to see Incubus live, but somewhere in this time frame around August, Tish and I were at her brothers house listening to their band practice (yeah, Richard Lorilie and there mate Bolo practiced as a group for a few years, they had some good tunes… shame they all went their separate ways) when Tish went to the toilet, I was recording the group playing when Tish came walking up to me and whispered “I’m pregnant!”   ……..   “OH SHIT !”    (I thought).

The funny thing is, …. that moment was caught on camera. We kept it to ourselves for a few days ….. it was odd … I was told that I had crap sperm …. the Doc said… 98% D.O.A … the rest all swim in circles  …. so for Tish to be pregnant was a real head spin. So how do you tell the parents … hmmmm …. Tish’s mum was a real hard case, very quick temper … we both thought she will go mental … so the  day we told her she sat there quietly before saying “I knew something like this would happen” …. Her dad on the other hand, was the oposite, “FUCK” he shouted … “FUCK FUCK FUCK!”   “I’m to young to be a grandfather”  …  oh well, …. never mind. It was a strange journey from here, I was not earning much money, so we could not afford a place of our own, we lived in a rural town, with the nearest hospital being around 30 – 40 minutes drive, so as a group we all moved house to Napier, a large house on the hill, … I would call it a real ‘party’ house. It had a private flat down stairs, which Tish’s brother rented, Tish’s sister rented the room opposite ours, next to us was to be the baby’s room and her parents lived in the top floor room which had a great balcony over looking the port of Napier, and a really large open plan kitchen dinning room that opens onto another deck. It was great place.

My dad was very excited by the news of another grandchild and we both knew mum would have been on the first flight across if she was alive…. funny how life goes.

As time moved on I found a job at a closer care home only a ten minute drive away, and a dollar more per hour pay !  … there was a huge (obese) resident there, who I was warned could be a bit of a pain, he was maybe in his late 60’s or early 70’s … the first time I walked into his room, he looked at me with his head at an angle and with a soft voice and very posh (let’s call it ‘Queens English’ New Zealand accent) said “Who are you ?” … I “Gareth” … “oh” he said, … “I shall call you Robert … you look like a Robert” …. cheers for that. I didn’t mind. He became quite friendly and was very interested in my history and what I knew of England…. now I’m not getting into any debate or care to argue, but from time to time he would say things like … “this or that land belongs to my people” or “did you see that my people are getting their land back” … ………………………………..as an outsider to NZ history and the clear divided attitude of people, I found this quite strange … this attitude of demanding land back or claiming rights that are different to every other citizen in that country … ….. what I mean is, how far back do you go ? Where do you draw the line ?   What if Rome turned around and said, “Hay Queeny, we took England over and made roads and buildings etc, we want it back.”  ………. …….. in my mind it is the equivalent of walking back into a casino 50 years later and saying,  “hey, I didn’t like that bet I made 50 years ago, I want my money back” ……… Maybe the British should apply for rights of land ownership in America … ‘yeh, the British would like Boston back please’ ….I know the British weren’t there before the Native American, but you get what I’m saying … “Where do you draw the line!” ……….hmmmm …..   Or maybe Australia could lay claim to the whole of New Zealand, as apparently it used to be apart of the Australian continent many centuries ago … ?   ….  maybe I should look into my family history and see where my family roots are, I might find that my ancestors came from Rome, and so then I can claim a Italian passport and rights to some land and any welfare they give there ?  …..  hmmm,… (I love Italy)  …… look I’m all for history and culture, but as an outsider looking in, I find it daft … all it seems to do is drive a divide into the country, a real negative issue that is just stupid. as a country surely it’s better to look forward to the future not backward … yes learn from history and certainly there are things that should be addressed and certainly some things should be left alone, but claiming land and rights as a separate type of people in the same country just seems stupid … you are one, you are New Zealand, you are all apart of one country, you all have roots going back to many other countries, but your future is being a New Zealander … (unless you are leaving the country…then … yeah …) …. I’m sure this applies to many countries out there. Personally I blame the government for not standing their ground and saying you are a New Zealander, if you wan’t to be individual to everyone else and want your own laws and your own rights, go live somewhere else. I’m not being racist, and I love living here, but I really find the whole situation as just plain silly. If you want a better country to live, then act as one people and work together for a better country. Before anyone bites my head off … I know I left my country, but there it is, I did leave my country. But at the end of the day, we should act as one Nation, as one type of people … New Zealanders……   Whatever, I’m happy living here. Don’t bother arguing or try to challenge me, I’m not interested, I am only giving my personal view and opinion of what I see happening. 

So anyway … as the months went by, we found out the gender of our baby, on the scan it showed the little dots …. apparently that show it was to be a boy … I struggled with these little dots … (I get that I wasn’t going to see a good size shlong on him, but I was trying to work out the little tiny white dots that apparently show he was a boy….) So Tish and I set to work on boys names …. wow,…. girls names were so easy, no really easy, in fact I bet we had a good size list of names for girls, but boys … shit it was hard, both of us really didn’t want a standard name … something slightly different  ….  we talked about a few Rugby player names … Conrad was one … but on TV at that time was re-runs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer … an awesome show starring Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy, Alyson Hannigan as Willow, Nicholas Brendon as Xander, Anthony Head as Rupert … If you have never watched it I highly recommend it, The actors were amazingly great, the characters were legendary, and story lines were always fun. I remember watching the very first episode on a old Cathode Ray Tube TV, Sarah Michelle Gellar looked stunning as Buffy while Alison Hannigan was the cute sexy geeky chic … (be fair, I was like 17 or 18 at the time … don’t judge me) The three main characters were such an awesome group, you really did feel like they had great chemistry together, and because they were supposed to be the ‘geeky’ group, it felt more believable and more epic that they were having such awesome adventures compared to the ‘cool’ kids. the SFX was great for 1997, and had an awesome soundtrack, the villans were always great and sometimes really did not take it’s self to seriously. The comedy of the show was truly stunning and always left you laughing at the epic characters. That’s not to say that the show never had serious moments … episode 10, of Season 4; Hush … truly a stunning episode, and although had some fantastic humor … (Buffy signing a ‘stabbing motion’ …) it was quite a serious episode, it had amazing villains, (The Gentleman) and for most of the episode it had no dialogue, it was all off gesture and atmosphere. Then there was Episode 21 and 22 of Season  6; Two To Go & Grave. These episodes took the cute, quiet, geeky character Willow, after her girlfriend is killed, she goes absolutely mental and becomes this mega bad ass psycho witch with black hair and black eyes, it was a very emotional charged  few episodes with great acting and fantastic script was truly brilliant. Also, Episode 17 of Season 5; The Body …. this was a very serious episode… I don’t think there was an episode like it … it was all about death, but not supernatural death, or the death of a friend … but the death of a mother … I always remember the scene where Buffy walks into the room to see her mother… the camera work, the sound, the acting was epic, it was believable, right down to a disorientated Buffy walking towards the back door, sun light flaring, as she falls to the ground and pukes …. honestly, this was an episode that reminded you that the group were only human, they had depth of character, were family and friends.  I truly recommend watching the show, it was one of those ….um … stand out moments … I mean, something in my life that I would turn to someone in my future and say, “make sure you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer  TV series from back in the late 1990’s … )

…. shit… sorry, got carried away there …. Anyway, there were plenty of great names in that show, but Xander…. Xander was a name we both really liked … also the character and the actor were totally awesome so …. Xander it was.

As time went by, we slowly gathered everything that we would need for the baby. With very little money we got it. Tish …. she just got bigger and bigger …

 

I’m stopping here, as I really have to get on with other things.

 

Cheers

 

 

INTRODUCTION TO AN ODD MIND. PT36

So … 2010 …

Life in NZ was going great, I was just enjoying life… slow pace, great food, great people, little stress … even if I was earning peanuts and was just able to pay bills … life was good

I had been in NZ for just over a year, I had had to pay for an upgrade in my VISA so I could spend another year … I kept in touch with my parents by email and sometimes by skype, I don’t know why, but I never made it a weekly or specific time when I would call home to see how everyone was, I guess it’s because mum would email me many times through the week…. I regret this now …. I regret not making more time to skype home … I regret not emailing more often … it annoys me that I didn’t.

It was in March 2010, I had only spoken to mum on skype at a weekend, I really had not paid much attention … she mentioned something about she was going to the hospital for some blood tests … but she never really said what it was about or explained, so I just took it as;   ‘ no problems, just looking into a sleep issue mum had been having where she sometimes would stop breathing in her sleep, but mum had always said it was nothing to worry about as she had all kinds of help from Doctors and Specialists’ … I remember signing out of skype and thinking, “hmmm, mum seemed to be breathing funny”… (like every now and again she was taking on big deep breaths … but she was smiling and happy, always ended with “I love you” …. she also seemed a lot paler than normal …)  But after a few minutes of thinking I carried on as normal … mum had said not to worry … typical me … I didn’t .

The following week Tish, her dad and I were sat chilling when the phone rang and Tish answered it, she turned and said “it’s your aunt from America” … I got up thinking, that’s odd, Aunty Sylv only emails, I picked up and sat down … I remember it well, she had that cool Southern accent, (Texan) but it was not her cool chilled self, she stressfully told me I needed to call home immediately … I asked what what was wrong, and she said “it’s your mom” ………………. “she … passed away Gareth” ………. I remember freezing solid … my breathing stopped, with a few seconds of sheer silence…. as my head and eyes started to heat up and tears poured into my eyes … I  …  burst out crying … my head filled with questions … the tears poured, my nose streamed and my voice cracked … I asked how ? why ?  … Aunty Sylv was crying on the other end … “I’m so sorry it’s your mom” …. “It’s your sister” I spluttered back …she again told me I must call home …

I put the phone down, and sat crying … Tish and her dad were somewhere behind me … I think it was Tish that got me the phone number … I called home to have dad pick up…. ….

We cried …. a lot … I had no money to afford a flight home … I had used it on the VISA, so dad told me he would get back to me about the flight … in between the tears dad explained that mum had had a rare blood disease called ‘Amyloidosis’  … apparently the Doctors many months back were struggling to find what was wrong with mum and finally had sent her for blood tests and biopsies, but a few days ago, one young Doctor had turned around and said he believes he knows what’s wrong, he explained Amyloidosis … and said this should have been looked at and tested many many weeks ago … but while mum was in the hospital she got pneumonia … her week state … dad ….. he said he was with her at the time… she was laid in the bed …. they held hands … she laid back and said “I just want to sleep” …. she shut her eyes.           ……………

 

I felt so sorry for dad ………  His love, his life …. they had been together since teenagers …. they were always together, very loving, very rarely argued … at least he was with her, holding her had … that was the main thing.   ………. I just wanted to be with dad there and then … I just wanted to hold him, hug him … cry with him.

I had to wait for a little over a week before I got on a plane … my Uncle Doug, older brother Shane and Dad helped pay for a flight … I got on that flight with very little going on in my head … I was in a bit of a daze … light headed …it was all a bit of a blur …. I barely ate anything … or spoke to anyone. I got off the plane and met up with everyone … it was a moment where I felt so happy to be home. Once in Oxford, I just wanted to fall asleep, I had very little sleep over the last week, but finally at home with dad I felt like I could get some. We all went out for dinners at the local pubs … (always love that about England), I could not have much more than a week in the UK as I had a job in NZ that I could not afford to lose … there were not many jobs there in the Hawkes Bay so losing the job was not an option.

There was a day in there where …for some reason all of us were at the Funeral Parlour, and dad, Scott and myself decided to see mum … my older brother Shane and my Aunt refused and decided to go out … I decided I needed to be with dad …. we went in the little room and there was mum in a black casket, dressed all in white which made her look even more pale. … It was a horrible moment … I  ………… held on to dad ……..

The day of the funeral, we all set off to the Oxford Crematorium, we went into the little … family room, sat and chatted to friends and family … it was still quite blurry in my head, nothing seemed right, just a whirl wind of emotions and unfocused mind. I remember talking to people when the Hearse arrived, a few people called out to me to get over to the car as we were about to walk in, I got over to my family and watched 6 big guys take the black casket out of the hearse and shoulder carry her into the chapel … Shane slipped into the front bench, then dad, myself and then Scott … I remember looking around, the room, tall, not very bright, behind us was a full chapel … I’m guessing a 200 or more people, Shane took dads right had and held dads left hand … my head was a blur, they said some words and about 20 minutes later mum was gone and we were funnelled out of the chapel to a covered walk way, people all stood chatting … I don’t really remember much of this bit I just felt like my mind was spinning, people crying around me, dad in tears, my brothers in tears …

Before I knew it we were at a local pub not far from where we used to live, The Six Bells in the Headington Quarry, The first thing as soon as we got in there was straight to the bar for a pint, I had my old favourite, Kronenbourg 1664 ….  I would say I remember it well, but I really don’t … I was numb in mind and soul …. the world was spinning and after a few hours / beers the world span faster and I woke up across the road at a family friends house … the Bowen’s, a great family of very loveable people large loveable people … (large as in tall and broad).

The next day at dads I seem to remember a phone call from some company asking for mum, dad tried to explain to them that mum was dead, but …. well, maybe they weren’t very good at English because they asked him if she could call them when she gets home … he put the phone down and was hunched over in tears, I put arms around him and held him tight.

 

I hated getting back on that plane and leaving dad … but mum would have said life must go on … I think I shed all the tears I had over those few weeks …. I got on the plane in a real numbed out state of mind, torn between leaving dad and going back to NZ. Sat on the plane feeling very out of it, it wasn’t until a few hours in flight that an air Hostess knelt beside me and asked if I was alright, she then explained that when we stopped in LA that I was to continue through to the VIP lounge and if I needed anything just call them and gave her condolences. I guess my brother had emailed the flights for bereavement application. So at LA i walked straight through to a nice VIP lounge … I would have enjoyed it more if I had been in the right space of mind. Still, it was nice of the air line.

 

It was a real kick in the balls …. I had not seen it coming…. it was not expected from my point of view. But I think back that I should have paid more attention to anything mum had said, she might have even mentioned Amyloidosis but I would not have remembered, at first …. for quite some time afterwards I felt I had contributed to mums death, I thought I had created a lot of stress on her over the last few years from my marriage break down, drinking to much and leaving England … but when I finally looked up Amyloidosis, I realised that mum had a very low chance of survival … that it was nothing any of us had done… or what she had done ….  it was just bad luck I guess.

I feel a lot stronger in mind now, … like I could tackle any task thrown at me to the best I can, adapt and over come and will find myself quite often thinking “what would mum have told me to do? what would mum say? what advice would she have given?”.  She loved to think outside the box and was a big lover of technology. She would encourage change and adaption to all things technology and life in general. I think she understood that it is silly to fight change, to try and hold back when life is continually moving forward, that what changes may seem ridiculous and even stupid, is the future that cannot be stopped and will become the norm to future generations…. I guess I mean … well, an example would be that we might see it as dumb or even bad for kids to use ipads and laptops in school than less ‘actual books’, but in the future it will be normal, that they will look back and think how weird it must have been to use books, or that ipads were such old school technology …. mum would have encouraged us and told us to embrace the new technology, to learn it as fast as you could to be ahead of the game, to look ahead and try to think what will be the future and see if you could be ready for the next big thing.  She would tell you that even if you thought it was some dumb decision made by people in charge, that you must be quick to adapt and overcome, because no matter how you try and fight it, you will generally not change anything. I’m not saying she would tell you to roll over and take it … no … she would tell you to learn to adapt and beat it, to better yourself. She was good at that I think.

I miss her and her advice. If only I had listened to her more and tried harder to talk to her more often.

I contact dad nearly every weekend via FaceTime, dad uses his ipad, a technology he loves. We will talk for an hour or more, …. about the weather on both sides of the planet, how everyone is doing, what we’ve done over the week, what PS4 games we’ve been playing (yep, dad loves playing his PS4 … he probably plays it more than I do) and he loves to see his grandson. It’s the best I can do without being able to see him. But it’s great to see him on screen every week…..

 

Death is inevitable, rich or poor, makes no difference, you cannot stop it from happening and it will happen … it is something you must learn to cope with, that you must not let it eat into your mind ….  you need to talk about it, be emotional, cry, scream, smash something … let it out ……  learn from it and look after yourself, you are important, you are the most important part if your life, because you are your life ………………………………. learn from it and move forward.

Death is inevitable and so is your future.

 

Once Back in NZ, life was to go back to normality … well as normal as an odd mind could get anyway.

 

 

 

Teresa Margaret Hayward

25 August 1948 – 20 March 2010

Rose Hill Cemetery
Oxford
City of Oxford
Oxfordshire  England

INTRODUCTION TO AN ODD MIND. PT35

Once I finished from the Army, I went home to my parents house for a week … It’s at this point that I look back and think “I should have spent more time with them” … “you dick head”     just a few weeks with them … “oh well, to late now”

Before I jumped on a plane for New Zealand our family had some photos taken, this was to be our last time as a whole family… the way we used to be…

18th October 2008

 

I left a few days later, my parents took me to Heathrow Airport, I said my goodbyes and off I went, I was excited to be traveling again.

Once in New Zealand I had to get a domestic flight down to Napier where Natasha’s dad was waiting for me. It was odd to think that I was here to live for a year, or as long as I could. It was an amazing life style change … less traffic, less people, more relaxed pace of life … and … a lot less alcohol … I had a few, I bought several creates over the few months, but was drinking considerably less, especially not drinking bottles of Vodka and Whiskey each day. Natasha and I did not really see that much of each other due to her studying.

As a few months past, My military pay stopped and I soon had to look for work. This was to be a little harder than I first thought. Natasha’s family had given me an old Mitsubishi Galant, to drive around in so off I went all over Hawkes Bay applying for work. The first job I was given was for a private farmer who got me and Natasha’s sister to work his land. Charmaine was given apple picking, while I had to pull up around a hundred meters worth of garlic and onions. We did this for about a week I think and then I was given a job at an Apple farm in Hastings, where I was a supervisor of packing and destinations. It was great fun, working in and out of the Pack Shed in a pair of shorts, T-shirt and a pair of boots on.

I was told that originally the boss’s son would wait till everyone had finished for the day and then start packing the fruit, labeling and setting destinations before they went in the chillers, which meant being there till late at night, but I soon found it far more logical to pack, strap, label and set destination as soon as they came off the packing floor, I would label each fruit box as it was placed on the pallet, then shift the pallets to one side once a full pallet was made, Then strap and plastic wrap them, then order them with the Forklift driver ready for the chillers, this made for a steady stream of pallets and was far more organised. Unfortunately fruit picking season started to finish which meant I was soon to have a lot less time at work meaning less money, so I looked for more work, which came in the form of working at a elder care home Tish’s mum worked, I found myself working for $12.50 an hour …. so a real culture shock !   the job was interesting … get into work, sit and have a meeting about the residents, who needs what etc, then get out there with a partner and off we went, wake them up, help sit them up either in bed or help get them out of bed and into a chair for breakfast, (help toilet those that needed to). Get the breakfast out to each resident … (you had to be a mind reader sometimes as some residents would change their mind on what they would like, no issue, only it slowed down the breakfast output therefore giving you less time to getting residents ready for the day. once breakfast was over it was straight into collecting the dishes from their rooms, clearing the scraps of the plates and getting the trolley to the kitchen and then getting straight onto the cares of the residents that were issued to me for that day. It was nice to help these people, some would talk and tell you of times gone by, how they lived and grew up, some could not talk at all. We would help shower them … which I can honestly say at first this is a strange task … I was 29 years old … I had never looked after anyone in this way, but here I was helping the elderly out of their clothes and helping to wash them … helping to toilet them … I soon found this a simple task, like it was normal. some of them liked to have a laugh with you or at you, … I had one old gentleman, who was … well…. well endowed in the “meat & vege” department … the first time I helped to shower him, I helped him out of his clothes only to take a few seconds to think on what I was looking at … he laughed as he said “I know … their big aren’t they” … ….yeah … truly they were… …   other times one lady would sing in the shower, and enjoy flinging water around the room, one gentleman only really enjoyed being washed by the female staff, so was never that happy when he saw me step in the room to help him. Some of those that could not manage anything by themselves would just sit in silence … but you could tell they were loving the nice warm water pouring over them. It was hard to give them quality time as the company gave you time frames which had to be met in order for everyone to be ready for lunch … in other words, there was not enough staff to give true love, care and attention to these people … with a few more people we could spend that little more time helping them, chatting to them (they needed people to talk to them) spending that little more time with finer details, giving them more attention, but the companies will say there is enough staff, there is enough time, a few senior nurses said the same … but that was complete bullshit … if you thought about the time it took to go round everyone, on a smooth running day, ie: if none of the residents needed extra toileting, or dropped or spilled something that needed cleaning up, or the added time to be extra careful in using the lifting machines or even a resident who just tried to make conversation … you would only just get them all ready in the allotted time frame … There was always something … ….always !   something that could not be helped … I mean try turning to a resident and saying “oh I’m sorry I cannot make conversation with you as I have no time for you” …. seriously, this is how it would look and sound, they are not stupid. Sometimes the odd resident that would be fine one day would struggle the next, maybe they were feeling not so good and had less strength, meaning that you could not get them to pull themselves up out of their chair and be easily helped onto the shower chair, therefore meaning you had to make sure that person was safe where they were while you left the room to find the lifting machines… which was most likely being used by someone else, therefore adding … maybe another few minutes to your time therefore shifting the time frame you had to get all residents on your list ready for midday. This was very much every day events … not one day was the same. Therefore the only way forward would be to have a few extra pair of hands … (Never going to happen) The overall out come of this is that as a “care giver” you could not give full care and attention to the resident … I always looked at it in this way … just a few extra pair of hands would free everyone up to give just a few extra minutes with each resident, slowing the care givers down so that there was no rushing, less mistakes made and better quality time with the resident … just a few more minutes chatting with them would make their day, would help them feel a little more alive than just being moved from “A to B” like forgotten objects. I’m not saying that this is every care home, as I’m sure some care homes have the right amount of staff and cope just fine, but my experience was that of just not enough hands on deck to give complete care to the residents.

Tish was busy studying most of her time, so when we did get any time together it was good fun….awesome fun … hmmmm, am I willing to explain… I guess …. we were probably quite chilled out with our relationship at this stage, we were having sex… awesome sex in fact, but that was mainly whenever we had a chance of seeing each other alone… mainly the odd weekend or day off here and there, which meant we found ourselves getting it on parked up in the car on some old roads, some open fields … a park etc. (by this stage the old Mitsubishi had worn out (gear box burn out), so I had bought a 1980’s Suzuki Swift … they were not great cars back then … small, uncomfortable and cold, but hey … with legs in the right places, steering wheel on ass, gear stick pressing into the leg,  heads pressed firmly against the door … it is possible to have sex in the cramped little car.) … We’ve always had a awesome bond … from the moment we met each other … even before we were actually dating, we were great mates, we’ve always enjoyed each others company, similar interests, similar humour and generally out going and enjoying life. We never really argue, just winge and move on.

We quite often went to her brothers house and spent a night in Napier with him. This was always fun, we basically would spend the night sat watching TV series or movies… everything from Futurama to How I Met Your Mother. (Futurama was a great cartoon series by the way, really funny, good characters, who does’t love Captain Brannigan;“Brannigan’s law is like Brannigan’s love, hard and fast”.     We would sit there, eat pizza, followed by some kind of awesome chocolate biscuits or … sugary shit. Was always fun to go hang out with Richard.

I think this would bring us to 2010 … roughly.